


I Don't Know Where I Am, But Everyone Is Hot

by Blasphemy_Joon



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: ACAB, Adult Language, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Canon-Typical Violence, Chaos, Confusion, Cussing, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, Explicit Language, Fights, Fluff, Gay Panic, Gender-Neutral Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Himbo Diavolo, ITS A JOKE I SWEAR, Jealous Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Lesson 16 (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) Spoilers, MC could Lose their life at any moment, MC is absolute fuckin chaos, MC lacks Self Preservations Instincts, MC talks like me, Multi, Nonbinary rights bitch, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Praise, Quarantine, Real World Problems, Sarcasm, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Indulgent, Sexual Humor, Shall We Date?: Obey Me! Spoilers, Suggestive Themes, Thirsty MC, This is just me in devildom have fun, Touching, im so sorry for that, kinky talk, love that for them, mentions of eating charachters whole, we are all horny here, we hate lucifer here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25320958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blasphemy_Joon/pseuds/Blasphemy_Joon
Summary: In which our lovely MC comes to the Devildom, chaos and horny energy ensues.
Relationships: Asmodeus & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Beelzebub & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Belphegor & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Leviathan & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Lucifer & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character & Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character & Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	I Don't Know Where I Am, But Everyone Is Hot

**Author's Note:**

> i apologize for any mistakes or if the boys seem out of character!!!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The first thought that comes to mind is, _'Its kinda hot in here, I should turn the AC on.'_ You slowly open your eyes, preparing for the impending dizziness you would feel just by sitting up. Though, instead of being in the comfort of your lovely home, you were in some sort of courtroom. In the said courtroom, five men are staring at you. Your cheeks rapidly heat up because these weren't just any men... they were _gorgeous_. All of them were absolutely stunning, surrounded by an aura of superiority. They all seem to be wearing suits of some kind, so of course, you say the most reasonable thing that could be happening.

"Shit, is this my funeral?"

One of them, a blonde, snorts and looks away from you while everyone else just widens their eyes in amusement. You suddenly realize that a funeral wouldn't make sense, you weren't even inside of a casket, plus you could feel your heart beating in your chest. So obviously, you aren't dead. Try not to feel so disappointed.

Peering down at yourself, you notice that you barely have on any clothes, just some sleep shorts, and a hoodie. Immediately, you try to cover up. _Why_ did you have to be in these ordinary clothes, while these _pretty boys_ were so dressed up? A guy with pinkish hair stares at you with interest, his eyes focused on your legs, which makes your face burn in embarrassment. He only giggles before leaning back in his seat, what a cheeky bastard. Before you could even say anything, someone speaks up.

"Fear not, for you are not dead."

You turn your attention to the man sitting in the judge's seat, at least that's what you assume it is. He possessed a large smile and his eyes looked so warm, you could melt right here and now. "Welcome to the Devildom, MC." He announced, but his voice was almost comforting as it was loud. Taking in his features, you realize just how attractive the man was. His red hair looked so soft and fluffy. His eyes were like literal pools of gold, you were gonna drown in them until you realized what he had actually said.

Two thoughts appeared at the same time, one, how did he know your name? Two, _what_ now?

Seeming to pick up on your confusion, the man only laughs before bowing in front of you. "Allow me to introduce myself, I am Diavolo, soon to be King of the Devildom." He shoots you another grin, it was almost blinding. Though, you still weren't actually sure what exactly was going on. This guy, he is a prince? Does this mean you get a sugar daddy? You honestly don't remember making any agreements with anyone recently, though there have been times where you jokingly did.

"I am also the founder of this school, The Royal Academy Of Diavolo." Diavolo opens up his arms and gestures at the room around us, he leans towards me with a small smile and whispers, "We call it R.A.D for short, though." Oh wow, so this place is called 'RAD'? You have to hold back your laughter, the guy seemed so proud of himself. You quietly snicker to yourself, muttering the word 'radical' under your breath."Uh... Are you sure I'm not dead right now?" You ask, looking around you. There is a giant glass window on the other side of the room, showing you a bright city filled with lights, a large castle in the background as well. "Like, I honestly have no idea what the hell is happening right now. Also, its summer vacation please tell me why I am in a school." You can already feel yourself losing energy, you did not have the mental capacity for school. Especially since you had a horrible year beforehand.

"Yes, you aren't dead, but you are in what humans call 'Hell'. At least, a part of it." Diavolo chuckles. You raise your eyebrows in disbelief, this must be some kind of joke. "What, are you some demon? Unless I see some horns, I really don't believe you." Almost immediately, as if he was anticipating for you to ask, Diavolo suddenly pops out two pairs of wings along with some horns. "Holy shit." You breathe, trying hard not to lose your composure. This guy is actually a demon, the real deal. His uniform disappeared as well, which revealed more skin than you thought. He was very well built, you honestly couldn't help yourself as you stared at him so openly. He was gorgeous.

"Thank you, I never thought a human would find my demon form flattering, but I am thankful nonetheless." Diavolo laughs before changing back to normal, you sit there with a blush on your face as you realized you had said that aloud. Though your embarrassment soon leaves as quickly as it came, it replaced entirely with shock.

"So, you all are demons and I'm supposed to just... go with this?" You look at Diavolo as if he spat on a puppy. The prince opens his mouth to speak, but you cut him off before he could even utter a syllable. "I never thought I would have to be in this hell again, why me for the love of-" You pause, the room felt way too cold all of a sudden. You probably shouldn't say the big man upstairs' name.

A black-haired demon steps towards you, he looked as if he was going to squish you beneath his boots. When you meet his gaze, it feels as if your soul leaves your body, he was terrifying. "Hello, MC. I am Lucifer, the Avatar of Pride. I am the oldest of the Seven Lords, Vice President of the student body, as well as your host for the time being. It is a pleasure to meet you." His tone was cold and calm, you hoped he didn't see the way you shivered just at his introduction. It was honestly didn't know how to process everything that was just said. Your host? What does he mean by that?

"MC, " Lucifer starts up again, obviously ignoring the growing distress you were feeling. "You have been chosen an ambassador from the human realm to fulfill the desire of Diavolo; to create a world where demons, humans, and angels coexist. As such, an exchange program has been instituted. We have sent two of our very own to your world and two to the Celestial Realm, and we have accepted four students here—two from the human world and two from the Celestial Realm."

"Wait, wha-" You squeak, eyes widening in disbelief.

"You will serve a year here in Devildom, and in that time you will learn from us as we will from you in the hopes of finding a common ground between your world and ours." Lucifer drones on and your head begins to spin. “You will attend school at R.A.D, and at the end of the year, you will submit an essay of your findings. Do I make myself clear?" He finishes, you briefly wonder if his throat is dry from all of that talking.

Just the thought of everything makes you nauseous, you had to write an essay as well? Those assignments were never your forte, always getting average grades for them. "Actually wait," You stand up, realizing that Lucifer is a whole head taller than you. "I'm gonna summarize everything you just said because I don't have enough brain cells for this shit man. You didn't have to go and speak cursive on me, I already have trouble reading it." You sigh and reach up to rub the sides of your head, you could already feel the headache that was approaching. "So, what I'm getting from this is that I got summoned here like some ouija board type shit, that I have to learn about demons while trying not to get killed, and live here for an entire year?" Your voice steadily grows with your anger, you really didn't have the energy for this. "On top of that, you want me to just fucking write an essay too? What the fuck is wrong with you?? You literally kidnap me, tell me some weird spooky shit, and expect me to just go along with it!?" Laughter bubbles out of your throat, and not the good kind.

Lucifer scowls at you, eyebrows furrowing in irritation. "Its best to watch how you speak-" You interrupt him with a loud wheeze, "Oh, I'm so sorry Mr. Perfect!! Forgive me for my poor human way of speaking, shall we discuss my punishment over a cup of tea? Two cubes or one?" You sneer, relishing in the way everyone gazed at you in shock. Lucifer seems at a loss for words, and you can't help the shit-eating grin that appears. Quickly you turn to Diavolo, your face apologetic as you look at him. "I'm so sorry dude, as hot as you are, I don't think this will work out!! See, my entire summer schedule was packed. Plus, I'm a horrible student, you wouldn't want me." Diavolo chuckles and looks down at you, "Your grades would say otherwise, you are quite the remarkable learner aren't you?" What grades could he possibly be talking about, you literally almost failed this last school year.

"I must apologize, but you don't really have a choice per se...You are stuck here until the year finishes." With that, you lose all sense of fear. There was no way out of this, you were in hell and you couldn't leave. As if you couldn't catch a break, Lucifer speaks up once again. "Now that we have this settled, you will be staying with my brothers and myself in our dorm, the House of Lamentation." You didn't think you were capable of feeling anymore surprise but your eyes still bulged from your face anyways. "I'm staying with YOU?!" You all but shout, pointing at him incredulously. This asshole? Why not anywhere else? You would have gladly picked Diavolo over him.

"Yes, you will be under our care. To be sure of your safety, I have assigned my brother Mammon to be your guardian. " Lucifer then hands over a device that looks similar to a phone, your ugly android wishes she could be this cool. "This is a D.D.D.," You snort loudly, Lucifer glares at you and you quickly stumble over an apology. "Much like the cellphones you have in your world, it is yours and to be used for the entirety of your stay." You quickly grab the device out of his hands, feeling more at home now that you had something so familiar with you. You wonder if you can listen to music on it, that would be nice. Lucifer clears his throat and gestures towards the phone, "Please try calling Mammon."

You quickly open up the phone, noticing there was no password makes you a bit uncomfortable, you should change that when you get the chance. You almost giggle at the pretty pastels that are your background, it was so cute, super different from the whole entire situation. After figuring out which app is which, you open up your D.D.D.'s contacts and press Mammon's name. Immediately you are met with a picture of his face, and you almost fall to your knees. Why did everyone here have to be so damn gorgeous, this dude looked more like an angel than a demon. His hair was fluffy like a cloud, a large grin on his face as if he just accomplished the best thing ever, and his eyes were as blue as the ocean. You didn't have time to marvel his features though, you press the call button and hope he responds.

 _"Yo,"_ is the first thing you hear, and you already feel yourself melting. His voice was so nice, it wasn't that deep but it was so attractive. You immediately flush as you try to come up with a reply, realizing that the room was absolutely quiet save for your nervous breathing. "Y-yo?" You respond, hoping he couldn't tell that your heart was beating out of your chest. _"Huh? Is this some kinda joke? Who the hell are ya?"_ Mammon snarls, and oh wow that shouldn't have been as hot as it was. The way he spoke was informal, kind of slurred, almost like back home.

"Ah, well, I'm that human you gotta look after." You explain, trying to calm down, you really didn't have the emotional capacity for this.

 _"Ah, yer the other human exchange student..."_ There is a small pause as if he was thinking of what to say next. _"G'luck with that, have fun! See ya!"_ You could practically hear the grin in his voice, you spluttered before responding. "W-wait! Lucifer said you were supposed to look after me!" You try again, hoping that he understands your predicament. In other words, this is a cry for help.

Mammon's laughter crackles over the speakers, its a bit contagious. _"Ya think that I, The GREAT Mammon, would listen to ya just cause yer tryin' to scare me with that name?"_ Scare? That wasn't your intention, is he afraid of the dude or something? Suddenly, Lucifer leans over and speaks cooly into the receiver, "You've got 10 seconds. 9... 8..." You shiver, trying to fight the urge to push his face away from your ear, your ears were sensitive. You didn't appreciate how he just invaded your personal space like that. Suddenly the speaker crackled to life, Mammon seemed to be stuttering over his words. _"Yessir! I'll be right there big bro!!"_ He all but shouted, his fear obvious in the small shake of his words. You felt bad, what could you have done to strike that much fear in your sibling?

You hang up and quickly step away from Lucifer, rubbing your ear to get rid of the ticklish sensation that was left behind. The older brother sighed, "Ignore him, he is an idiot after all." You frown in response, you were never a fan of people talking about family like that but you brush it off, assuming he was only joking. (boy were you wrong-)

"Now that Mammon is on his way, I _might_ as well introduce you to the rest of my brothers." Lucifer gestures towards the seats that are still filled, you have to try not to act surprised. That was a lot of siblings, you almost felt bad. "These are my younger brothers and fellow Lords of the Devildom, sadly." He mutters, obvious disdain on his face.

Immediately, the mentioned demons stand up and make their way towards you. The boy from before, the pink-haired guy, though it was more of a rosy pink now that you got a closer look. "Oh, how rude of you, Luci! It's an honor to have someone as lovely as myself to be your brother!" The boy purrs, practically rubbing himself against Lucifer's side. He has a bit of a slender build, a bit of curve here and there, he was the ideal application for femboy hooters. The boy then turns to you and lifts your hand to place a kiss on it, "My name is Asmodeus, but a cutie like yourself can call me Asmo." He smiles, before leaning back to his full height, which wasn't that much taller than you. "I am the Avatar of Lust, as well as the fifth oldest, pleased to meet you." You hate the way your breath catches at his words, you felt so warm all over, was this because of him?

Asmodeus stalks towards you, his eyes are hooded with desire as he looks you up and down. "My, your legs are even more delectable than I thought! I could just eat you up." The way his voice drops makes your head swirl, you were not going to survive this. "Don't act like that, Asmo. You are going to scare them." The blonde from earlier spits, but his face doesn't match his tone at all. He looked so polite, and his eyes were stunning. "Hello, I am Satan, the Avatar of Wrath, and fourth oldest." He smiles at you and your heart kinda skips a beat. "Be careful of this one though, he seduces people and eats them afterward." He warns, but his tone is so light and playful it doesn't even register as a warning. "Must you ruin this for me Satan? I just wanted to have a bit of fun, I'm sure MC does as well." He pouts before moving to your side, resting his head on your shoulder. You flinch at the sudden feeling, but decide to just let it happen. It was the first warm touch you have felt in a while.

"Be careful of Satan as well, he might seem all smiles, but he is the Avatar of Wrath." Lucifer speaks up, almost immediately Satan looks at his brother with a large smile. The room feels like it was drained of all warmth, that smile of his doesn't really reach his eyes. "Oh, really?" He replies calmly as if his words weren't laced with deadly intent. "It's like that, is it?" Lucifer rolls his eyes, as if this was something normal, it probably was. "Are you done yet?" The way he spoke to him as if he was some toddler throwing a tantrum made you uneasy. Were they about to fight or something? The atmosphere returns back to normal as Satan walks away, the smile still on his face.

Finally the last of the brothers -- Isn't there seven?-- makes his way towards you and WOW, was he a sight for sore eyes. He had ginger hair and gentle violet eyes, though he seemed a bit upset about something. His brows were furrowed and he was pouting, it was too cute, it really didn't match his physique. ' ** _Himbo'_** you think to yourself, thats exactly what he is. You notice that he has freckles and you try your best not to start gushing, it was such a soft addition, he was absolutely adorable. The tall boy frowns and turns to Lucifer, playing with his hands nervously. "I'm hungry." Wait nope, he was going to eat you, this wasn't good. "Beel, behave." Lucifer orders, the boy sadly looks to the floor. You feel a bit bad for him, his stomach growled so loudly, he should eat something soon.

"This is Beelzebub, the Avatar of Gluttony and the fifth oldest." Beel looks at you and smiles, waving his hand almost shyly. He was like a giant teddy bear, how can he be so intimidating but cute? "He is relatively harmless unless you get in the way of his food." You nod, placing that in your memory for later. So that's why he is so hungry, it makes sense but you still feel bad anyway. You place your hand into your hoodie pocket, and just as you hoped, there was a snack! You pull it out and hand it to Beel, who stares at you with wide eyes. "Here ya go big guy, sorry I don't have much. I hope this can help." You shoot him a nervous smile, hoping that he wouldn't try and bite your hand off or anything. Beel immediately lit up, a smile gracing his face as he happily grabbed your bag of chips, "Thank..you.." He replies, and his voice sent shivers down your spine. It was deep but soothing. It was...comforting.

You smile back at the demon and watch as he happily begins to eat. Lucifer looks at you in surprise, but its quickly replaced with annoyance when he hears the door burst open. You blink and suddenly, a white-haired guy is next to Lucifer bent over and out of breath. It takes you a second to realize that its Mammon, who else could it have been? He soon stands up at his full height, shorter than Lucifer but much taller than you. "Oy, listen up Human! You better hand over everything you value right now, its what you owe me for even coming here in the first place!" He shouts, he looked like he was forcing himself to look scary. It was cute. "Sorry bud, I gave it to the big fella over there. I don't have anything else on me." You shrug with a grin, watching the way he stumbles over himself for a reply. "Listen up, how dare ya try to mess with me? I could eat ya right here and now, starting from your head-"

_ **"Mammon."** _

The younger demon immediately stops talking, avoiding his brother's gaze. Lucifer sighs, --he did that a lot didn't he?--, and gestures towards his brother. "This is Mammon, the Avatar of Greed and second oldest. He is an absolute nuisance, so don't get too comfortable with him. " He spits with a glare, Mammon winces at the words at turns towards the oldest. "HEY! Why're ya bullyin' me when I just got here?" He snarls, a low growl in his throat as he bears his teeth in anger. Lucifer raises his eyebrows, and Mammon immediately backs down. Guess they have a power difference then. "It's true, he is the scummiest of scum!" Asmodeus chimes in, a happy smile on his face as he insults his older brother. "He is lower than trash, that's all there is to say." Satan pipes up before going back to reading a book. Beelzebub doesn't say anything, he just sadly looks at the empty bag of chips.

"Ya do know that I'm older than you, could ya at least show some respect??" Mammon shouts, only for no one to reply to him. As if the puzzle pieces clicked together, you guessed how their family dynamic is. Mammon looks at you, sizing you up as if he was going to fight you. "Alright, you humans are weak!!" He wasn't wrong, but it still kinda hurt. "Because of that, I haffta make sure ya don't go off and die. So just do as I say and we will be good, got it?" He explains quickly, annoyance obvious by the way he looks at you. You would normally say something, but you decide to be friendly. Kill them with kindness as they say. "Yeah, whatever ya say boss." You salute him swiftly and step towards him. Mammon immediately grows flustered, as if he wasn't expecting you to agree with him.

"I like em better than Solomon, they listen to me unlike the rest of you." Mammon whispered to Lucifer who only rolled his eyes and turned towards Diavolo. "My other brothers are absent, but I guess you could meet them later. All in time." He spoke before turning away. The prince was happily standing in the exact same spot as earlier, it was as if he hadn't moved a single inch. "I'm glad you seem to be comfortable with the brothers, seeing as you will be staying with them."

Once again, the fact that you really are staying here crashes onto you. Suddenly, you feel your throat begin to close up. You couldn't go home, everything that you left behind, everyone that you left behind... your friends and family... you wonder what they must be thinking now.

"Oy, Human? Are ya listening? We are heading out now, hurry up!!" Mammon calls out, you take a deep breath before nodding. You look at Diavolo one more time, but instead of warmth, you felt so cold. "Welcome to the Devildom, MC. Enjoy your stay." He waves goodbye but the words almost feel like a threat.

You nod and run after the others, your vision growing blurry as you walk with the demons. You lift your hood over your head, hoping no one can see the tears in your eyes that are threatening to spill. Asmo had mentioned something about a uniform but you weren't really listening. You wished you had your phone right now, you really needed your comfort music. Soon, it was just you and Mammon. He was saying something but you couldn't hear him over your own thoughts. You were terrified, it was all so different and you aren't really good with change. Maybe you could get used to it? The question was how you would do that in the first place.

"Hey! What's the deal? I asked you a question!" Your head shoots up and your eyes meet the demon's, for a second it looks as if his eyes softened for a second. "Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts." You smile, hoping that he would leave it at that. Almost shyly, Mammon looks to his left before speaking up again. "You were humming the whole time we walked, never heard the song before though... Is it some human music?" He asked, and at the mention of your favourite thing you immediately lit up. "O-oh yeah, I didn't realize I was doing that, sorry. It's a song by an artist I like! Their comeback is going to be in October, and I'm so excited! The last album was amazing, so I wonder how they will top it! I don't think I can listen to them here though..." You trail off, your excitement fading away as you remember where you are.

"Of course ya can! Just go on DevilTube, there's human stuff there too." He said it so casually as if it was the most simple thing in the world but for you? It meant so much more, it was one way to feel like you were at home. You reminded yourself to thank him later, this was really good news!!

"Here we are, home sweet home." Mammon drawled, lazily pushing the gate open. You stand there in shock, the entire place is a mansion. It was like a mini castle, and you would be living here? Maybe this wouldn't be too bad after all. Before the white-haired demon could start shouting for you to hurry up, you immediately move to follow him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter, ill be starting the second one soon!! comments and kudos are appreciated!!! you can also check out my twitter if you want :] https://twitter.com/bouncyboyhop


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